sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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