I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
