He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
