I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
