he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
