saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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