I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
