very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
