apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
