never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
