Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
