Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My cat gives me a boner
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
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