there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize