Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
