Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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