Screwed.edu
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
