Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
