I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
