We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
