I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
