Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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