those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
