Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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