If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
