I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
