I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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