I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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