we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize