Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
