Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
