i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
