Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
