5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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