shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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