I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
