my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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