So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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