i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
