I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I am mentally ready for anal.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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