Swine flu. Run for my life!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
