I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
