found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
