I think I died a long time ago.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
