Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
