I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
only if we run a train.
done.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
