He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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