at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
