Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
