I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
His hands were made for my vagina.
it's like heaven, but drunker
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
