Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
