Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
