He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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