why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
