Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
