When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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