So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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