spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
