I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
