i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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