I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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