So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
