then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
