anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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