Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
