im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
