i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
