dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
