Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
