Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
