Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
