she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
